Oh, heavens no!According to Jay Glazer of Fox Sports, who is usually accurate, Football Christ has decided to call it quits. After sucking mightily in 2006, Favre bounced back and played well last year, breaking all the remaining significant career passing records and leading the Packers to the NFC Championship game and getting his ass kissed along the way.
Favre's last pass, ironically, was a game-losing interception to Giants' previously-a-bust cornerback Corey Webster.
And with this news, there should be a suicide watch in Green Bay, Bristol and at the headquarters of every major media outlet in the United States. For without Favre's cherubic charm and charisma captivating the country, life is but an abyss.
"We live in a two-room house with our six children and their six children," said Earl, the moron pictured above. "What money we do bring in, we spend on season tickets for Brett Favre and Brett Favre stuff so we can support the Brett Favres. But now, if Brett Favre's gone, who's gonna take the pain away on Sundays? ... I'm gonna go drink a gallon of kerosine and throw a lit match down my throat."
Remember these quotes from January?
"And you know what? I don’t care whether people are Packers fans or whatever, I’ll reiterate what we said: rooting for Favre is like rooting for America." - Chris Berman
"Brett Favre is back. This guy has captured America." - Bill Plaschke
"The rebirth of Favre is great news for football, sports and, when you think about it, life." - Jay Mariotti
Fear not, media. Tom Brady's got a dick and enough leftover inches for those who weren't already on it. As long as John Madden doesn't call dibs and reverse-cowgirl.
Breaking News: Sports Illustrated columnist Peter King was found dead in his home this morning, clad in a gimp outfit with "4" stitched into the back. Several empty bottles of Zyban, Xanax and Scotch were strewn across his bedroom floor.
No comments:
Post a Comment